Keeping Relationships Healthy

Recently I have been fighting sickness that I was unaware I had. I felt the fatigue and the overall ugh, but I chose to ignore it so that I could continue with "life." My performance in my overall daily tasks continued to suffer, my body failed to recover from my workouts and mind was drained. After experiencing these warning signs for a while, I finally got "sick". The real sickness caused me several lost days of productivity and lots of pain that I could have possibly skipped if I would have just given notice to the warning signs.

As I thought about this, I wondered how often we experience the warning signs in our relationships and just ignore them so we can continue "life." After all, many of us are so busy that we don't think we have time to stop for the unscheduled needs of our spouses, children, or friends. I know I have been guilty many times of putting a task before a relationship.  My days are very planned and if I get off schedule, if often makes me feel out of control and leads to anxiety which then leads to an undesired attitude.  My recent sickness made me stop and think: would I rather have dinner on time and clean dishes or precious moments answering questions from my children and listening about their day; would I prefer to complete all my weekend projects or take time to sip coffee and laugh with good friends; would I rather make sure everything is in place before bed or spend a few intentional moments talking with my spouse? For me, the answer is the latter of each choice which focuses on relationships. I would rather spend moments with those I love than one day have to feel the the fallout or real sickness of missed relationships.

Now, I love to plan and I work well in organization, but the truth is that relationships are at times chaotic and spontaneous.  So what is an organized tasked driven person to do? I would say first look at the daily relationships that require your attention, and  spend time studying any warning signs that may point  that an all out sickness is around the corner. If any of your relationships are in that state, schedule a chunk of time in the very near future to pour health back into it.  Then, schedule time throughout the week to maintain those relationships. For example, take 20 minutes before bed to hear about your kids' day and spend time reassuring them of how much you care for them; or schedule a date night with your spouse dedicated to laughter and weekly renewal and make sure you have time to talk throughout the week about the day to day (for traveling spouses this can be more difficult, readers' suggestions welcome); and for friends, make sure to connect often whether it is monthly or every couple weekends and don't be afraid to share your life with them outside your scheduled meeting.

Now, for the unscheduled relational needs, create "white space", time that is free from tasks, in your weekly schedule in case you need to be available.  You will be surprised at the impact it could make. This can get tricky. Sometimes we tend to go from so scheduled and not making time for anything to wide open and allowing everything to become our priority. To combat this make sure that you and your family have a clear set of standards for what would qualify as an acceptable unscheduled need that warrants changing your schedule.  For example, I would say that my kid's tantrum because she doesn't like our dinner choice is not permissible to change our evening schedule. Either she eats or she doesn't. That in my opinion doesn't change the heart of our relationship. Now I would adjust my time for a friend that is going through a family matter that is beyond the day to day or a spouse that had a horrible work day, or a child that has been bullied at school. In these instances the "white space" can be used to move a current task you have to complete to a little later time (your white space) so you can complete a more pressing but unscheduled matter, or you can use your "white space" to schedule a time to meet a relational need that may be important but not require immediate attention.

Here is to keeping our relationships healthy!

Shante